Question: What is your best asset and why?
Mahal (that's the name of the contestant): Good evening ladies and gentlemen, board of judges, barangay captain. Thank you for that very beautiful question. What is my best asset and why? My best asset? My eyes. Because with my eyes I can see the world tonight with Loren Legarda and Angelo Castro Jr. Thank you.
Which had me recalling my own treasure trove of "beaucon" Q&A stories, some true, some fanciful. Here goes:
Story #1. This happened in Albay.
Emcee: Contestant No. 7, here's your question: What is your favorite animal, and why?
Contestant: (Confident) My favorite animal is a bird, because it can fly, it symbolizes freedom!
(Audience claps wildly.)
Emcee: Good answer! So what is your favorite bird?
Contestant: My favorite bird is ah... eh... chicken.
Story #2. Somewhere in Laguna
Emcee: Here's your question. Titanic was called the ship of dreams. Why?
Contestant: (Thinks long and hard, crowd beginning to hoot). Ahh... Flis rifit.
Emcee: Your question is, Titanic was called the ship of dreams. Why?
Contestant: (Thinks long ang hard again, then...) That's true.
Story #3. Just heard this from a friend.
Emcee: What is your motto in life?
Contestant: My motto in life? Opportunity knocks but once and I thank you!
Story #4. A recent male beauty pageant in Intramuros
Emcee (Boy Abunda no less): Contestant so-and-so, eto ang tanong. Ano sa tingin mo ang natatanging kaugalian nating mga Pinoy na dapat nating pahalagahan at ipamana sa ating mga anak?
Contestant: Dapat ho tayo magtapon ng basura.
Story #5. Joke making the rounds
Emcee: What do you think is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Emcee. Well said! Why do you say drugs?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi e!
Story #5. Not Q&A, but funny nonetheless.
This girl has joined and lost in so many beauty contests, and she's deeply frustrated. One Sunday it's her turn to do the reading at Mass. She begins:
A reading from the letter of Paul... (flings her arms up) TO HEBREW CITY!