Wednesday, February 14, 2007

And now for something really personal

Six years, and counting. That's how long I've been single. You can forgive me, therefore, if I look at the annual Valentine hoopla with skepticism and detachment. I take all the ritual mush with huge bags of salt--yes, since one puny grain wouldn't do it anymore in this day and age of 24/7 spin, when everything from toothpaste to bras suddenly find a throbbing connection to Feb. 14.

Why have I been on my own for this long? Beats me. My friends have some theories. They think I'm too choosy for my own good. They think most guys get either intimidated or bored quickly with what I do, what I like, how I live my life. They think I'm too square--doesn't drink or smoke, hardly bar-hops, prefers movies or long dinners with friends to partying, digs the standards instead of Mariah and R&B, wears his shirt with downturned collar, is not into color-coordinating his outfits or dyeing his hair the latest shade of burnt sienna, thinks Starbucks is overpriced, can't dance if his life depended on it. I'm, in a word, old-fashioned. Sige na nga.

I also happen to be reasonably well-read, sensible, generally cheerful and easy-going, fair and fiercely loyal to my friends. And my scruples are, I think, still intact. I steer clear of going beyond casual friendships with theater people (even if Lord knows there are many good-looking chaps in their midst) because I cover the industry, and getting entangled with anyone from there risks conflict-of-interest complications. No, if The One is to come, he has to emerge from somewhere unrelated--an astrophysicist, perhaps, but with a liking for Rodgers and Hart? Hahaha. Someone I'd bump into not in Bed but at Fully Booked? Someone who'd understand that I, having had my time in the scene, can afford to be "old-fashioned" at 36?

There, that's what my friends mean when they say I'm too choosy. Can't help it, though. I've never felt the need to hop on the bandwagon out of envy--just because friends, gay and straight, have begun settling down one by one. After my last breakup (a bad one) years ago, I told myself I could be happy and contented with just my friends around me. For the most part that's been true, but then you realize as they start getting hitched themselves that you, the single, fancy-free buddy, can become less of a priority--and naturally so. You learn to accept it, and wish everyone well. When it does get damn lonely on some days, you find yourself chuckling at the juvenile bravado behind your promise to forget love and stick it out with your amigos.

So much for the posturing. Nowadays whenever I go to a play or watch a movie or head off to the mall, I do wish I could have someone along with me--aside from friends of course, steadfast as they are. Paul Monette in "Borrowed Time" wrote that he met his beloved at a party. They found out they both loved the Greek classics, and by the end of the night Mr. Monette was hooked--forever, it turned out, because he was by his lover right up to the AIDS-afflicted end.

Hello, forget Medea, Broadway musicals will do for me! (Grin).

And Denzel Washington and his wife--they were seated beside each other at a play, and that's how they met. So whenever I watch a show these days I remember to look left and right at my seatmates--you never know, you might end up literally rubbing elbows with, ahem, The Effing One. But no luck so far. (What you do get are the occasional misfits, like these prattling girls who watched "ZsaZsa Zaturnnah." "Ay, andaming bading na manonood, ang gugwapo pa naman, sayang," they said. To which a friend of mine seated in front couldn't resist purring back: "Mga miss, 'ZsaZsa Zaturnnah' po ito. Dun na lang kayo sa 'Peter Pan.')

That "intimidating" tag--I wonder where that came from, and how I can live it down. This blog, for example. "It's a great site, but I get the feeling that most readers feel hesitant to comment, kasi editor ka," said my filmmaker friend Ed. "Baka nahihiya o natatakot." Ows, really? One look at the traffic stats, and he must be right: I get some 150-plus visitors a day, and yet no post has ever breached 30 comments in the five months I've been blogging. Hey everyone, I don't bite! As Allan K. would say, don't shy!

But, yes, I admit to this: my inner geek/grammarian can be a spoilsport. I don't think I can suffer for long someone who doesn't read. Does that make me a snob? I hope not. I don't mean, after all, that one has to bone up on Proust or Nabokov (I've never read Proust myself!), just that he likes soaking up new ideas and enjoys the magic of words. But, oh, what to do with bad grammar? I say everyone else gets a pass, but the person I'm supposed to go all gooey for--he at least should know his tenses and subject-verb agreement, or I'd never hear the end of it from friends raring for payback time for all the petty lait I'd made of their dates.

Kuwento: Once, in Puerto Galera, a cute guy--cool and cono-looking--caught our collective eye. He also seemed to like the attention, because he kept looking our way. Thereafter, it was a race among us seven friends to see who could approach him first. That night, I sat at a bar and there he was opposite me, chugging beer and swaying to "Happy." But he was with someone else who seemed extra-solicitous--his lover, I presumed. He saw me in a bit, recognized me, and raised his bottle in a toast. Ha, was I giddy. After a while, he motioned for me to join him as he slid out of the bar and walked towards his room. Introductions, hi, hello, where are you from. Then, just to be sure I wasn't entering dangerous territory, I asked the question: "Are you with your lover?"

"No, third party lang ako," he said. "He have a lover."

Toink! See libido going down, down, down!

My friends were hysterical when I told them about it afterwards. Now you know why I'm still single.


beektur said...

libido going down because of wrong use of verb? haha! shall i assume that you get turned on by reading strunk and white? for you, is lope k. santos' balarila ng wikang pambansa more erotic than xerex xaviera's tales?

my thoughts: better be single than to settle. :) (i'm using settle in two context: 1. to close (as an account) by payment often of less than is due; and 2. to sink gradually or to the bottom)

Bong C. Austero said...

you are not alone, gibbs. you are definitely not alone. i actually thought about you when i wanted to watch carla guevarra's show and no one among my friends wanted to come with me. i didn't think i could sit through "tell me on a sunday" alone. har har har. but sadly, i dont have your number. anyway, just reaching out old friend. i have classes until 9:15 pm today, so that's my official excuse for not having a date this year.

aryo said...

Naman to. Naiyak na sana ako e. Para kasing familiar ang kwento. Tsaka pwede ka rin pala mag-drama.

Pero ng dahil sa "he have a lover", ayan, natakot na ako mag-ingles. Mahirap na. He he.

And why do I have the feeling na nagsisisi ka sa mga naiinvite mo mag theater-hopping lately? Hmm. Me tinamaan yata. He he. Peace!

migs the manila gay guy said...


At nag-OUT ang lola ko! Don't worry PARE, suportahan taka!

See you later, gibbs! And tomorrow!

Albert Atinon said...

Hey there. Nice to find a fellow grammar policeman :) Unfortunately, this trait significantly reduces the number of potential dates :(

wendell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wendell said...

gibbs, always remember, in most cases: lovers come and go. real family members and friends will always be there for you. i've seen all sorts of violent and abusive relationships all over the world and it's not worth it. kawawa naman ang mga masyadong mapagbigay. inalagaan ka ng nanay mo para maging maganda at maayos tapos you'll just be hurt by some pontius pilate from nowhere. keep that winning form. you've got taste and you're not going to compromise it. you are not alone.

joelmcvie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
joelmcvie said...

GIBBS: Ahahahahahahaha! "He have a lover." Ahahahahahahaha! You has a problem. You has to slap the book, "The Elements of Style" to that guy's fez.

Okay, it just means hindi siya as hot as you first thought. Otherwise, you'd whisper in his ear, "Shut up and just moan for me." Tingnan natin kung mapa-subject-verb disagreement pa siya pag umuungol.

Carver said...

Well, this is a side of you we don't get to see everyday. :-) Like you, I've been accused of those "transgressions" as well--high standards, choosy, intimidating--and I'll admit that there's truth to them, but not 100%. Hindi naman ako sobrang intelektwal, at may topak din naman ako.

If anything, despite our vulnerabilities, we're mastering the art of being by ourselves. It's got its good share of perks.

Take care, Gibbs! HUGS

MANDAYA MOORE: Ang bayot sa bukid said...

bakit kasi in-interview pa? ayan, nabuking tuloy.

wala bang ibang bading na editor sa inquirer? workplace romance churva-- reminds me of migs. hehehe

aryo said...

Take Two:

To All GIBBS CADIZ readers:

We have a mission. This post must have more than 30 comments. Huwag matakot! Gibbs has promised to be kind - dala ng kanyang mga hinagpis sa araw ng mga puso, he he.

Kaya mga silent readers, please leave your footprints.

eZeR. said...

npunta ako dito dhil kay mig.

i'm telling you, pagdumating c "THE ONE" mo, wrong grammar o hindi, wla kang mgagawa..


joelmcvie said...

14th comment, 16 more to go....

Anonymous said...

o eto ang 15th. di na ako nagsign in para mabilis.


vincedejesus said...

hay pag-ibig...

Anonymous said...

gibbs, sabi ni ken? out ka na pala! sabi ko naman, matagal na ano?! May straight bang lumalait sa bituing walang ningning teleserye version?

Kanina ka pang hapon nagtext bisitahin ko blog mo pero ngayon lang ako nagka oras dito sa shop kasi may denial of service kami sa lahat ng mga blogsites sa office. Dyos ko naghihinagpis ka pala.

May i share rin ako about you: alam nyo ba, na tulad ng ibang naghahanap ng "the one", gibbs was once surfing the link tv sa cable, and ended up chatting with a friend pala. hahaha si erwah pala!

Isa pa: kasi kasi naman gibbs, minsan makikita mo si gibbs naka tambay CR ng theater (break yata)... ano ang ginagawa? NAGBABASA NG POCKET BOOK!

Ay sorry. too private na yata itong kwento. hindi na pang-share :) o well, suggestment ko, go to fitness First...a.k.a wetness first. Now na!


Anonymous said...

Dear Gibbs,

I held your hand once and considered the possibility of getting to know you better. Well, I did get to know you better--just not in the way that would have led to a relationship :)

More recently, I saw a show with you, and I'm glad that you liked it. When I first met you, you weren't the critic yet. So I was a bit worried that you wouldn't like it.

Anyway, I just wanted to greet you Happy Valentine's Day. Maybe someday our paths will cross again.

Barry M.

Jheck David said...

josko, hirap talagang maging grammar police! magtagalog na lang kasi 'yung iba riyan! hahaha! :-)

in time, though, he'll come around! :-)

monde said...

I don't know you, but still I'm happy for you

Anonymous said...

Maybe we can watch Wicked together...

-my name's Richard

Anonymous said...

"He have a lover" That was one for the books!

I am so happy for you!

Anyways, good looking or bad looking, you will always encounter one with a bad grammar!

Good luck!

Dennis said...

LOLz! Nice post. Sayang din yun. Pang kama lang sana. Hahahaha.

Mickey said...

natawa naman ako, ilang beses na rin nangyari ito sa akin. Ika nga, kung di cgurado, tagalugin na lang :-)

tara, watch tayo ng premiere ng DREAMGIRLS sa Shang Cineplex, ala ako kasama eh, Tonight, Feb 15, 730pm. Text me 0917-642-2055


savante said...

Surely after that heartfelt valentine confession, I am sure you'll be inundated with lovelorn letters :) But you do sound like a great guy and it puzzles me why you're still single too.

Meeting a guy who reads - especially a gay man isn't all that easy these days. Hell, I've been on the dating scene and at the moment, I'll be pleased to have someone who even glances through the newspapers every once in a while, much less pick up a paperback to read :)

Great words, my friend. Definitely will link to ya.


Little Fish said...

pasensya na 'di ako marunong mag english at ang tagalog ko po ay kukunti lang....naintindihan ko po ang iyong sinasabi sa sinulat mo at ako po ay napa-iyak. bakit?
'di pala ako nag-iisa.

sana po...mahanap mo po ang tunay na kaligayan sa iba kung 'di man, mahalin mo na lang ang sarili mo.
"love yourself"

Little Fish

Anonymous said...

it's so hard to live inside the closet. it's such a dull place anyway, so cold, dark and demeaning.

i'm really glad you came out. *hugs*

Anton said...

Yeah. Beektur is right. It's better to be single than to settle. Why give in to the pressure of being partnered? A partner doesn't define a person...

LOL! I think this advice works on any other day of the year except v-day. Pressure's just to much. Thank God that I was not in Manila during the damn day. Otherwise, I might be nursing a hangover now. Or I might have had dinner with my single fag hags instead of watching grey's anatomy and eating leftover pizza.

Anyway, have hope though. I myself would prefer meeting that someone in a bookstore or cafe than in a club. But that doesn't mean I'd shrug off a nice guy dancing beside me at Bed. As my friend always say, 'Be open to possibilities. You'll never know until you give that other person a chance.' Chos!

post 28. 2 more... =)

snglguy said...

Hahaha, o di ba dumami ang nag-comment? :-D

For what it's worth Gibbs, you're not the only one who thinks that V'day is merely mushiness on a grand scale.

Ooops, now I have to be careful with my grammars, hehe. :-)

Happy Heart's day dude.

joelmcvie said...

30th COMMENT! Yehey!!!

joelmcvie said...

31st COMMENT! Woohoo!!!

Tapos you received several invites pa! Ibang klase talaga ang effect ng "letting your heart out" in your blog pala. Sudden hotness factor bigla.

Guys, bring out all your pocket books, your scientific calculators, your soundtracks to stage musicals, and all your Lea Salonga LPs!

Pamela Angela said...

gibbs!!! ako love kita.. kaya lang, i has a lover.. hahaha :d

di ko kinaya yun..

seriously, they are mising out on a major catch..

and love kita talaga :D


pepe M. said...

juice ko!
try mo visiting my blog at sa title pa lang, ayaw mo na talagang basahin!
anyways, i got another brilliant pinoy blogger (on ba? or in?) my list...hahaha!

keep posting!

pepe M.

asnallar said...

Starbucks really is overpriced. All those coffee shops are. I'd rather buy audio CDs, at least I can enjoy them a thousand times over. I don't like coffee. hehe

Anonymous said...

"I steer clear of going beyond casual friendships with theater people (even if Lord knows there are many good-looking chaps in their midst) because I cover the industry, and getting entangled with anyone from there risks conflict-of-interest complications."

How about this:

I steer clear of going beyond casual friendships with theater GOERS(even if Lord knows there are many good-(REMOVE DASH)looking chaps in their COMPANIES) because I cover the industry, and IN getting entangled with anyone from SUCH GROUPS, I risks conflict-of-interest complications.


theater goers, the term usually used for those who "go" to theater.

good-looking, goodlooking

Companies, usually don't refer to the midst of "theater goers"...usually midst of a certain this context, company or companies is the better word, as in "in the company of..."

IN...I, there was no subject defined I put in a clause with subject...


Anonymous said...


I risk, rather :-)

Anonymous said...

can I just share these.......

many years ago, inside Giraffe Bar, one guy came on to my friend. kaya lang he said, "can i sits besides you?" yun na.

madami na rin akong nakaka-date, ok sana, most of them good-looking, but whenever I ask them kung kelan ang birthday nila, some of them answered, "Fevrary.......or Eyfril.....or Seftemver......or Octowver..."

And when it comes to fashion talk naman, I've heard na,
"ang ganda ng jeans mo, ano yan, Givrowd?"
o kaya...."Frada"

Then you talk about TV shows...
"Ako favorite ko ang "Queers at Folks"....o kaya "Ofrah".......eto pa, "Queers Eye For The Straight Guys".

and the quintessential million dollar label na,
"Are you out or still in the closet?"
"I'm bi......"

"He have a lover." I can totally relate, Gibbs. :-)

Pamela Angela said...

o di ba! si anonymous nag-correct ng grammar ni gibbs! si gibbs na every single week nage-edit ng isang katutak na articles for a major broadsheet.

natawa naman ako dun. april fool's day na ba?

and honey, if your editing skills are as good as you think they are, you wouldn't feel the need to explain your corrections.

dorky492 said...

Wow. Anonymous wrote:

"I steer clear of going beyond casual friendships with theater GOERS(even if Lord knows there are many good-(REMOVE DASH)looking chaps in their COMPANIES) because I cover the industry, and IN getting entangled with anyone from SUCH GROUPS, I risks conflict-of-interest complications."

Why dont we try this:

"I'm a stirring clir of going beyond casualness all around chatter-audiences ( even if my landlord knows that there are a many goodlookingguysinthey'resurroundings) because I envelope the industry, and upon getting myself entangled with an individual from such tribe, I risque conflictofinterest confusions."

Paki-correct din ako! Plis.

Rick M. said...

omg. that's a happy ending haha.

aryo said...

Bwahaha! Ansaya na ng comments! More! More!

Told you Gibbs. You just stirred the horny's nest. Wooo! Hornet"s nga ba? Hornest? Ewan.:-)

BR said...

hey.. this is actually my first time to read your blog. Its actually entertaining for me. I also have my own blog, its more about my passsion, food, arts, etc. and based on what I read about you, I don't think you will like it because I believe there are lots of unseen grammatical error, but thats ok the thing is I really want to express myself and too bad that my readers can only understand english. I got your point there, we cannot compromise just to settle down, I like your attitude and your perception about relationship and life (gosh with just one article?lol) anyway keep it cool and I'll keep an eye on your blog... ciao! BR

Gypsy said...

Hi Gibbs, as you can see this is the 43rd comment to your post..hope that cheers you up!! :) A toast to a fellow singleton who has a great life whether he/she "have" a lover or not! ;)

judd said...

bespren, too bad didn't make it to the first thirty...actually, sent a comment yesterday but don't know why it wasn't posted...anyway, dami mo na talagang proud of you, padre!

dangerous said...

Remember this guy we've seen hosting a slimy male pageant last year who read his script as '1 inches'?Now I know why you always say you are not keen on him


bingskee said...

ah.. err... i 'has' a comment har har but was intimidated.

eneweiz, it's a turn off sometimes, i agree, lalo na kung simple s-v agreement lang. but fate plays the fool on us sometimes, too. magulat ka na lang one day you're with somebody the total opposite of what you want.

waltzang said...

hi friend, i am posted a comment for you so that you will saw that there are many posts from us.

revel in who you are for you are a virgo and virgos has critical eyes, it's written in the stars.

compatible signs include: taurus, pisces, cancer, and scorpio.

for best date nights, please to visit the website of ms. susan miller at www DOT astrologyzone DOT com

haves a good day!

vincedejesus said...

April Fool's ito. April Fool's ito.

fruityoaty said...

Belated Happy Singles' Awareness Day.

Well, it's not so bad being single... It has it's advantages. Coincidentally, that's what my latest blog entry was about... LOL.

annamanila said...

I don't get intimidated Gibbs. :) But I suppose, yes, others are. I just want to read your pieces because it is readable and to comment because I enjoy 'em and sometimes get provoked by em. Never mind that you haven't commented on mine even if you have dropped by at least once (for the meme). And i understand how u got toinked by bad grammar. This piece is very intriguing!!

annamanila said...

Bigla ako naconscious sa grammar ko. I just want to read your pieces because them is readable pala.

Ay ewan. I commented before I read the other comments. Oh my, this place is getting hot. What a difference an outage makes. I wanna say congrats.

clem said...

hi gibbs,

clem here. i'm commenting for the first time even if i've been reading your blog for a long time.

just to thank you for all the laughter, entertainment, and info that your blog provides to my day-to-day life.

you know and we all know that your wit, irony, and sarcasm are too rich and colorful to bemoan.

it's funny what we sometimes do, refuse to do, or just can't manage to bring ourselves to do for love and a lay. haha.

belated happy valentine's day! what would our lives be like without this day, and that other love-stricken season, christmas?

oh, how much we love life, and love!

Dennis said...


Pamparami sa comment --your Denzel Washington story reminded me that Irma and I got together when Tony Mabesa cast her to alternate with Shamaine Centenera as Helena and he asked me to sub for Ricky Davao who backed out of playing Demetrius in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Helena,of course, kept running after Demetrius. Dennis made sure Irma didn't get away. That's now almost twenty-five years ago.


tombeau66 said...

me not afraid to post comment. methinks gibbs libido went south because coño looking means coño speaking. haha. but if mhen was er looking, expectation lower. 'he have a lover' actually within expectation. ergo libido still northward.

Anonymous said...

You definitely think too much. Austen and Proust talked of an ideal love which is fiction. Be practical and realistic. Sometimes the guy who doesn't seem perfect to you might be the one. Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

Grammar police? Is that really impressive?

I have one thing to say to this grammar police ek-ek... Yung totoong mayaman daw, hindi matapobre. Pero yung mga mahihirap na biglang yaman, sila ang matapobre.

dorky492 said...

Anong kinalaman ng pagiging grammar police sa pagiging mayaman at matapobre? Hindi mayaman at matapobre ang English teacher ko noon ah, pero lagi niya akong kino-korek.

Are you saying lahat ng magaling mag-ingles ay MAYAMAN lang? At ang mahihirap hindi marunong mag-ingles?

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Anonymous, ang logic... nawawala.

George said...

"He have a lover" sounds like a great title for your autobiography. And, by the way, congratulations! '-p

khalel said...

Reading the comments here got me confused... whether the thrust of the story was about an english class or love... whew!!!

Well, Happiness is indeed a choice... the grammar police have chosen to be happy playing critiques on the wrong grammar...

others have chosen to be happy with the story that have inspired them...

Me? I have chosen to be happy finsing this blog...

Stay Cool! Cheers!

Mark Sablan said...

Hey Gibbs :) Ang hot hot mo ha, basing on all the comments you have (or maybe "has" as the third party would say in this case. I'm sure someone's not gonna be single soon ;)

Omar Cruz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I read through your blog... well organised. I like the train of thought but others might not get the ride. It was funny what you gathered on the last part... I can't stop laughing because I would feel the same way. I am also a certified auto correct geek when it comes to english... it is my job I am a language instructor. That was cool man. Thanks for psoting your story. It was enlightening. Come to think of it... I'd been single for almost 5 years now. I know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

Nako tumigil tigil ka nga gibbs. puro kaipokritohan ang mga nakasulat sa blog na ito. coming out? pwe. eh habol ka ng ng habol sa isang artista sa UP. ayaw na sa iyo, YOU CANT EVEN TAKE A HINT. ano ba. kalokah! ilusyunada

ian said...

haha, gibbs, ngayon ko lang 'to nabasa. "He have a lover." Sana tinapatan mo ng mali-maling English, wala lang para maiba lang. hehe.:) naalala ko tuloy bigla yung tawanan nyo nina sir vince (of Zsazsa Zaturnnah--can't wait to watch by the way, i like the music...) yung "I have a many lover" sa podcast. hehe.

Anonymous said...

though i doubt it, na-curious ako dun sa "hinahabol-habol" mo raw na taga-UP. parang hindi kayang gawin yun ni gibbs e napaka old fashioned nga ng lola ko. antapang magcomment ng ganon pero naka-"anonymous". ay, ako rin pala. ha-ha!

f i l l i b u s t e r o said...

pag nagkita tayo pramis hindi ako magsasalita para sa iyung kapakanan at para sa akin na rin. :) said...

nakakatuwa naman. ngaun lang din ako napadaan dito. ki-ni-lick ko lang yung link sa MGG. interested lang malaman kung pano nag-out is gibbs. hihi.

enjoy ko yung mga podcasts nyo with mcvie and migs. the three of you are so witty.

sana mahanap mo na ang the one.

stumbled upon this video from youtube. ka-inggit sila:

god bless. i love your articles here in your blog. be safe.

Friend from Chicago said...

This reminds me of a cute guy I met on the way to Cebu for college. After a long (and promising conversation) I bade farewell.

"Thanks for the company"

"Oh, no, we don't have a company...only a gas station!"

Moral of the story: Go easy on the grammar - we don't use it in bed anyway:)

Go Gibbs!

Anonymous said...

Random Site Visitor:

I fell in love with this entry.
You sound like my technical writing professor.

Anonymous said...

Hi. Just read your blog today. I definitely can relate. Congrats, you are out!
I'm 37 and still single. In my circle of friends, ako na lang ang di pa married. There are times I feel sad kasi I am alone. It would be nice to have someone who will just be there - masabihan mo ng mga bagay na di mo na pwedeng sabihin sa kapatid o sa magulang. I have so much love to give. Ewan ko ba. Gusto mong isigaw o iiyak ito, pero di mo kaya. Thanks for the blog. I know I'm not alone. It's just unfortunate that there are things we have to consider before doing anything. :(

4th rock from the sun

Anonymous said...


Of course i've been reading your blog. But this will be the first time I'm commenting. Diba I read this entry na before? I don't know why I never read the comments here man! Hahaha This whole thing made me laugh again and again. Please tell me you went out with whoever asked you out on a date here--i checked, their grammar's ok. Hahaha

Sige, ill comment na sa other entries. (Notice the taglish? For safety reasons, man, for safety reasons.)

I wants a lover. Kidding.

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