The version that will see print is an entirely new piece--shorter (from 2,175 characters to 754), no-frills, useful. Loved hacking away ruthlessly, but I ended up doing the job of the PR doofus behind this frothy piece of crap.
In small doses, bad press releases make me laugh, exercise my gut and are good stress-busters. But something this bad can be scary, too. The thought of having to plow through similar hogwash for the rest of my working life gives me the shivers. Perhaps I should take my revenge by compiling them into a book.
She arrives, her highness, gliding past smitten spectators, in a graceful promenade amid a valiant convoy of escorts, headed towards the grand manor, ardent to do the honor of unveiling the most eminent brand of style and elegance. She cuts the tassel, strides in with the whole entourage and marks the milestone in fashion history lavishing from the exquisitely elegant garments au fond, down to the Victorian-embellished interiors.
Yes, the ravishing dame who swept them all off their feet was [name of fashion store's] image model--television's hottest and most fashionable [name of a young celebrity--erm, actually a minor one]. From her grand entrance following the ribbon cutting to her portrait signing in the store's receiving area, the afternoon affair was indeed far from prosaic. In fact, luster was literally all over the brilliant geniuses behind [name of store], lovely and dazzling [minor celeb], and the gleaming expressions of awe of fashion enthusiasts who graced the event.
There's enough reason why [name of store] has gone beyond being just another brand in the fashion enterprise. It's a zenith of a venture bound by a partnership that shares an infinite passion and fascination to conceive the essentials of vogue and style in women's fashion... [Its] newly opened branch brings shoppers to a fanciful escapism merged in reality with the intricacy and novelty of their designs in a Victorian-style milieu. The sultry collection revives the timeless intricacy of la femme baroque designs... with neoteric patterns and plains. It's a whole new level of fashion emanating from antiquity and modernism in world-class designs that embrace the beauty in every woman's body.