"Kevin Costner...throughout the movie, displays the sensitivity and eloquence of a pizza delivery man."
"The insufferably smug and woodchuck-cheeked Minnie Driver proffers what the French call a tete a gifler--a face begging to be slapped."
"She has only two things going for her--a father and a mother."--on Liza Minnelli, daughter of legendary singer-actress Judy Garland and the director Vincente Minnelli
"The worst and most homeliest thing to hit the screens since Liza Minelli."--on Shelley Duvall
"Miss Garland's figure resembles the giant-economy-size toothpaste in girls' bathrooms. Squeezed intemperately at all points, it acquires a shape that defies definition by the most resourceful solid geometrician."--on Judy Garland
"He looked like a half-melted rubber bulldog."--on Walter Matthau
"A cross between an aardvark and an albino rat surmounted by a platinum-coated horse bun... Her acting consists entirely of fishily thrusting out her lips, sounding like a cabbie bellyaching at breakneck speed, and throwing her weight around."--on Barbra Streisand
"Young Mr. Mostel, who manages the difficult feat of reaching the grotesque while totally bypassing the funny, has not inherited any of the Mostel from his father, only the Zero."--on Josh Mostel, son of film-stage actor Zero Mostel
"She comes across like one of those inanimate objects, say, a cupboard or a grandfather clock, which is made in certain humorous shorts to act, through trick photography, like people."--on Cybill Shepherd
Mean, mean, mean. Haylavet.