Thursday, May 28, 2009

'Hold on, Kermit': Anthony Lane lightsabers Yoda

From a 2005 review of Star Wars Episode III--Revenge of the Sith in The New Yorker:

“[T]he one who gets me is Yoda. May I take the opportunity to enter a brief plea in favor of his extermination? Any educated moviegoer would know what to do, having watched that helpful sequence in 'Gremlins' when a small, sage-colored beastie is fed into an electric blender. A fittingly frantic end, I feel, for the faux-pensive stillness on which the Yoda legend has hung. At one point in the new film, he assumes the role of cosmic shrink—squatting opposite Anakin in a noirish room, where the light bleeds sideways through slatted blinds. Anakin keeps having problems with his dark side, in the way that you or I might suffer from tennis elbow, but Yoda, whose reptilian smugness we have been encouraged to mistake for wisdom, has the answer. 'Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose,' he says. Hold on, Kermit, run that past me one more time. If you ever got laid (admittedly a long shot, unless we can dig you up some undiscerning alien hottie with a name like Jar Jar Gabor), and spawned a brood of Yodettes, are you saying that you’d leave them behind at the first sniff of danger? Also, while we’re here, what’s with the screwy syntax? Deepest mind in the galaxy, apparently, and you still express yourself like a day-tripper with a dog-eared phrase book. 'I hope right you are.' Break me a fucking give.”

Break me a fucking give. Hahaha.

His latest bad-ass jab: “[I]n 'Terminator Salvation,' [John Connor] is played by Christian Bale as a scar-nicked warrior, consumed by a messianic belief that he can save the world by shouting... A notorious clip, leaked to the Internet ahead of the film’s release, showed Bale melting down on the set and bawling out a member of the crew, but let’s be fair; next to the finished product, that lively address feels almost Edwardian in its courtesy.”

I may not agree with what he says, but I will defend to the death--probably cardiac arrest by laughter--his right to say it.

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